Here are some examples of how this rule plays out while addressing stationery:
Elizabeth and John Doe: Elizabeth's last name could be Doe or it could be Smith, if she kept her maiden name. Either way, she is first in the sequence so that John is attached to the name Doe at all times:
Mr. and Mrs. John Doe: The husband's title comes first in this scenario because Elizabeth's name never comes up at all:
Elizabeth and John: In cases where only first names are used, the woman's name is still first because the man's surname is always implied, even if not written out:
EDJ: Monograms are written in the order of the full names being spelled out and are read left initial, right initial, middle initial, so this one would be Elizabeth and John Doe:
{all images from Ceci New York}
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I remember hearing that from our Stationary lady, but when it came time to ordering wedding thank you cards, i HAD to make sure it said my hubby's name and then mine so my new last name was right next to it!
Wait, how is that monogram Elizabeth and John Doe ... would that be eDj? I see an rFm?
Oanababy - I used Elizabeth and John Doe as generic names to stay consistent throughout the examples. The photos are actual stationery pieces from real couples so they have their real names on them.
What about in the case of a man with a III after his name? Would it then be: Jane and John Doe, III?
Hi Katie,
Yes, it would be Jane and John Doe, III because Jane's formal title would be Mrs. John Doe, III.
I live in Texas(suburb of Dallas). Most of my friends, acquaintances, believe it's appropriate to write a couple's names with his name first; they think that is more polite, writing his name first! I see this done on invitations, Christmas cards, on lists, signing at the end of letters,etc. I grew up hearing that the man's name ALWAYS is written second so it would not be separated from his last name; after all, it was his name first! I read you stated it as such for wedding invitations; so, are wedding invitations the only time that is important or is it ever correct to write the man's name first? Please help! This is a pet peeve of mine and I wonder, "why don't these women know any better?" I look forward to your answer.
Hi Anonymous,
The rule applies to any type of correspondence, not just wedding invitations.
THANK YOU so much for addressing the issue of proper order for the written use of first names. I, also, was taught never to separate the man from his last name. However, I am unable to find a source/reference book to confirm this rule. As a graphic designer I am looking for a credible citation to offer my clients. Do you know of such a reference?
Hello! I heard that the only exceptions to the rule of putting the woman's name firest on correspondence is when the man has an honorable title such as officers, reverends, or judges. Is this correct?
Hi Billie,
Not exactly. If there is an honorable title it would be written formally:
The Reverend and Mrs. John Doe.
What about if the couple is not married, what is the proper way to write out their names? Would it be the woman's name first then the man? Elizabeth Smith and John Doe?
Hi Liene,
My question concerns sponsor listings in programs. Should the names appear as Mr./Mrs. or Wife's name/Husband's name plus last name. This is for a Governor's Inaugural Ball program so it is a formal event.
Hi Anon from 12/29 - if the couple is not married but living together, the names would be on the same envelope, but on separate lines. I would still put the woman's first, but either one will work.
ex:
Ms. Elizabeth Smith
Mr. John Doe
--
Hi Anon from 1/5 - For sponsor listings in programs, you can do either. It would be Mr and Mrs. John Doe or Elizabeth and John Doe.
When monogramming towels for a wedding gift, do you follow the same initials idea? I don't like to give towels with just the females initials so I use the "ladies first" idea with new larger letter in the middle and then the man's. What do you think about that?
I've been told that the wife's name is listed first until the couple has children then, when writing out first names, the husband is listed first. Is there any truth to that?
Monica
what about if the female is a Dr? how dose that get written?
Would the following wording be correct if both parents were hosting the wedding, splitting the tab, good friends as well, but the groom has a different name than his stepfather
Dr. Larry and Mrs. Louella Divinian
and
Mr. David and Mrs. Sally Silva
request your presence at the marriage of their children....
Essentially, the Dr. part throws me off, and the mother of the groom is a successful buisness woman who the community knows by first name (Sally)
So how about the proper wording?